Humanibrarian

I've paid about 150 dollars in library fines to the City of Greenville in the past year or so. Shouldn't that qualify me for some kind of tax refund? I've donated 150 dollars to the City of Greenville's campaign against illiteracy... what have you done?

They should build a monument for me in the city center or something.
Or maybe I should just stop misplacing city property.

Lent

I decided that I complain too much, so I'm going to try to stop.

Only for forty days though; I wouldn't do anything rash like stop altogether. In a world so full of stupid people, it wouldn't be right to throw away such an opportunity. I'm not starting today though. I need more preparation than that. I do a lot of complaining.


I realize I'm not Catholic, by the way, but they stole Halloween, Christmas and Valentines from the pagans, so I figure they can Lend me Lent.

Peaked

It being two o'clock in the morning and me getting the spontaneous night-owl urges that I do, I decided to travel up Paris Mountain earlier. I hadn't used my camera for anything like what it was made for in weeks and I'd been getting a twitchy feeling all night, as if it was my duty to go out at some point before daybreak. Usually when I get that feeling, I end up either helping someone with a flat tire or being questioned by the police. Go figure.

It was cold. Very cold. By the time I reached the summit, dodging leaves pretending to be squirrels all the way, the temperature had dropped by a degree with each chug of the engine. I didn't pass a single car the entire way, but my imagination concocted a fiery car crash at each curve, complete with bodies in the roadway and a knife-wielding dead-eye madman. I'd only ever been to the top a few times, all during the day. I knew it was a nice view on a clear day, but I had no idea of just how many lights there are in a single city. As I drove, I had to keep myself from running off the mountainside, so intrigued was I with the lights of my city. A few times, the darkness was so complete around me that I could almost put myself in the cockpit of a starship flying low over Coruscant. What, no one else does that?













I found company at the top. A sedan with no lights on, parked on the overlook. I didn't have to guess what was going on inside, what with the foggy nature of the windows, but I did have to let lose a little chuckle at the desperately frantic movement of arms and legs when my headlights poured through the back window.

I argued with myself for a moment about staying, wondering what exactly the etiquette was in such a situation. If I were polite and understanding, I would have turned around, leaving the overlook to teenaged shenanigans which such a place was made for. Oh well, I'd driven a long way to get a few pictures. I could almost feel the desperate eyes of Pressured Teen Girl on the back of my head as her eyes went from myself, setting up my camera tripod, to the rapidly deflating penis of Lucky Stud. My apologies, guy.

I took a few pictures, which didn't turn out very good, and then retreated down the mountainside, allowing NPR's piano concerto to drown out the renewed squeak of the sedan's suspension system.


















Lot of writing for not much of an adventure.
Forgive me, I haven't blogged in ages.

Pride

I love answerbag.

Someone told me today, "Nobody can make sense of your cryptic one-liners."
Such a sense of accomplishment.

Deflect

I was narrating a television episode, the first in a series that seemed to be some sort of kids show. The plot had something to do with a little girl who lived in a mansion, only the mansion wasn't like any other. From the outside, the house was very small, no bigger than a townhouse. On the inside, the mansion was constantly changing with new rooms, long hallways, hidden doors, etc. The mansion was a physical puzzle of sorts and the girl could only escape if she could outwit a series of increasingly dangerous villians who shared the mansion with her. Each villain would provide some sort of clue as to how the next could be beaten.

The first villain came in the form of Alan Tudyk... don't ask me why. I can't remember how he was finally beaten by our female protagonist, but I do remember that he was able to transform any door in the mansion into an impassable barrier, trapping the girl in certain rooms of the house. The barrier took the form of a shimmering mirror which moved as if made of liquid, but stayed upright. Alan was also a jokester, and didn't seem very dangerous.

The second vilain was somewhat more sinister. He wore a great overcoat that flew along behind him as he walked. He had black leather riding boots with spurs on his feet and a dark top hat on his head. He walked quickly, head bent forward, as if walking into a strong wind. He seemed to have a definite purpose and never faltered or hesitated. As he walked through the long hallways of the mansion, peering into each room he passed, his body flashed and shimmered, appearing to vanish and reappear ten times a second. In his hands, he carried a large metal lantern. His face was hidden in shadow.

The girl was visibly terrified of this man when she first saw him. When he would see her, he would raise his lantern to her. A bolt of light would fly from the lantern and hit the girl, causing her body to shimmer and flash just as his did. Each time she was hit, her energy would be sapped, making her flight through the mansion harder and harder. After many failed attempts at killing the man, the girl desperately grabbed one of the doors that Alan had transformed into a mirror barrier earlier. She pulled until it came loose from the wall and turned towards her pursuer just as he leveled his lantern at her. The bolt of light shot into the mirror and was reflected back at the man. He threw his hands up and his entire body lit up violently, as if struck by lightning. He disappeared in a puff of smoke, top hat and all.