Memoria

As anyone who knows me can tell, my memory is horrible, not just short term, but long term too. I can't remember right now what I did today. If you ask me about a conversation I had with you a week ago, chances are I will have no recollection of it.

As a result, the state of my memories is a random assortment of visual flashes, with a few spoken words here and there. Certain smells and certain images fire memories every now and then, but for the most part, it's very hard for me to remember vivid events from my childhood and even today. From the ages of 9 to 13 or so, I have absolutely no idea what I was doing.

Everyone I know has experienced the strange sensation of driving to a destination and not having any recollection of ever having driven there. I spend four or five hours a day driving and so, more than five hours of my day, everyday, are completely lost to me. I spend a good part of my life in exactly that state of mind. Half the time, I can't even tell you what I was thinking about while I was mentally dead to the world. There are times that I drive across town, have a conversation with someone and drive back and suddenly 'come to' and realize I can't even remember where I just was. It's unsettling to not be able to remember where you were five minutes ago.


I keep thinking that this memory disorder, and I know that's what it is, is somehow connected to my frequently occurring night terrors, but I can't for the life of me figure out how.